I wish we never did it

I know it's been a minute, I've been neglecting my blog...

There's just something I have to get off my chest. He was my best friend, my home boy, my road dog. I loved him so much as my friend which is why I trusted him so much with my heart. I opened up to him... & now I'm all alone. I'm hurting, and I don't know how to handle this situation. He pursued me! I didn't want to cross that line and when I did... I got fucked over.

We were supposed to be exclusive. Come to find out, he was fucking other girls and he had feelings for other girls. How was I supposed to feel about this? I was so hurt. I can't even begin to describe my pain. I feel like I'm always in this situation, the one that gets hurt. & now he's ignoring me and going about his life just fine. Why can't I get this man out of my head? I know that he could care less about being with me at this point because I overreacted on more then 1 occasion but, when did I become the bad guy? I'm the one hurting... he's fine.

I just want my friend back. I know we'll never be friends again... while you're doing me so wrong I just keep holding you down. I feel so foolish, so stupid...loving you all this way

It's very bittersweet... when a heart breaks no it don't break even

An eventful weekend

Ok, so, over the weekend, I chilled with the girls. You may have seen us visit The Five Seasons and Iguana Cantina downtown.
Friday, before Five Seasons we went to Apple Bees. Guess who is there? My phony ass ex bestfriend Vincent! HEEEEy!!!!
So, I give him the 'what's up'...laugh...and kept it moving.
He didn't say anything because he is a BITCH.
Anyways, we make it to our table and it's these ghetto ass girls over there talking all loud being real ghetto. Someone bumps into the big titty girl by mistake and her titties being in the way prevented her from catching her phone...lol
Oh snap! she dropped it! lol... AGAIN! Then she yelled out, "what the fuck bitch!" and rolled her eyes. It was her fault that her jugs got in the way. She was all mad when it was only a sidekick...It could have at least been a G1 or a Blackberry. IDK why she was extra pissed.
So, Five Seasons was dry, but we had hella drinks so we were the life of the party!...Actually, we were the party (literally)!
Oh, and on my was to Iguana Cantina, I got a ticket for running a stop sign that I didn't run...wtf? This was my first time getting pulled over. Biiiiitch!!!! I didnt even know what the registration was supposed to look like! lol Blonde moments!

Goodbye letter

So I wrote my partner a letter after we broke up, which we do often. However, I thought this really would be the last time but now we are back together lol. [I will show pictures later]. Here it is though:


Dearest Tim,

I really wanted to write you this letter days ago but I couldn't find the right words to say. After not talking to you for what seemed like forever, I think I have found exactly what I want to say to you. First, I want to tell you that I love you and not a day has gone by that I have loved you any less than the day before. Not a day has gone by that I wasn't thinking about you. The past year has been a very eventful year for the both of us and through it all I have come out a different person. I've learned how to love and allow myself to be loved again despite past relationships, this has been the most meaningful. You have been my everything, my world. I will never forget the good times we had as lovers and as friends.

No one could have said it better then when Jasmine Sullivan said, "Just cause I love you and you love me, it doesn't mean that we're meant to be." This is so true, there is no other person I have ever loved more than 'you'. However, we are just way too different to be together. We can't work out. I can pray all day long and wish and hope but things will still be the same. And we both know that we tried our hardest but you just can't force something that isn't there. We need to grow away from each other because we are both growing at different rates and in different directions at this point in our lives. We are too often bumping heads and not concentrating on 'us' because of other factors around us. If I am ever telling someone a story about the past year, you are always in every single one. And although people see all the bad that has come from this relationship, we know the good things and I will forever hold those memories close to my heart. Oh gosh, this is the point where I am getting all choked up. I'm trying hard not to cry. It just sucks because I can't be with the very person that I love so much. I don't think it is healthy for either of us to 'stay'.

I'm sorry I wasn't a very good girlfriend to you. I was the best that I could be and I promise that I never half assed one day of our relationship. This is me, and every emotion was real...every hug and kiss was just as sincere as the last...amd everytime I said I hated you, I really meant I love you. I don't know what the future holds for us. Who knows if we will ever be together again some day. If not this lifetime, I'll be looking for you in the end. You mean the world to me, don't you ever believe otherwise. Good luck in all that you do with your life and keep your head up. This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, and LOVE to complete your life. I love you my heart, my love, my bestfriend, my past...present...and future: TSB

With love always,
Me

Stuff that Annoys me

1. People with strong accents that can't speak English well then get mad when you can't understand them by speaking louder--- that makes it worst!
2. When people cut you off to get into your lane without using their turning signal--- ugh! so rude!
3. Homophobes--- just ignorance...period.
4. Fat girls that like to try and wear little ass clothes--- not cute!
5. Talking real loud on your cell phone in public--- real ghetto
6. Long nails with a whole bunch of glitter and sprinkles and shit everywhere
7. Bad breath and/or bad teeth--- Pew!
8. Ungroomed eyebrows and hair--- lol IDK the eyebrows really bother me
9. Middle school kids running around the mall on a Saturday acting real ghetto, grown, and rude!--- Parents, make your children read or something.
10. Pointless meetings
11. Hate crimes

Accepting people and their differences

Ok, so, a friend of mine comes to me with a problem. She is angry because one of her friends has been really into her new job and doesn't seem to hang with her friends as often as she used to. Her friend has been training alot and spending more time with the people she works with. My friends dilemma is that once her friend has the time to come around, it's just not enough. Me, personally, I think that is very selfish of her to be mad at her friend for enjoying life and doing something she likes to do. My advice to my friend was to let her friend do what she loves and still be a friend to her whenever she comes around. A supportive friend would just let her do her thing and whenever she came around act like things are the same. Never make your friends choose between the things they love the most, especially their careers. I understand you may feel a little neglected but, trust, your friends don't like you any less. Don't be all angry about it, things wont change.

Everyone is different. Just because you believe a persons behavior is unacceptable doesn't mean they understand where your coming from. Always approach every situation with an open mind and look at things from all perspectives. I use to get angry because my friends didn't return my calls or come around as often as I would like. Now, I just chill. Just because someone isn't being the friend you expect doesn't mean they aren't being the best friend they can be.